"Look, I'm really sorry there sir. He's an orc and can't bear to see food wasted. We'll buy that fish he grabbed."
"Sure dude. That was a really awesome catch though. That huge guy just dove over that other guy's head and snatched the salmon right out of the air!"
"Yeah he's an orc. They're quick."
"Is he eating that salmon raw?"
"Uh yeah. I'm sorry about that. Look for those of you just joining us- I'm Kwellyn Tiamaran here with Guthmog the orc and we're live blogging our series on the best in fantasy writing right here in Seattle. You'd likely be better off starting at our first post or you could just jump in and grab a fish . We're in Pike Place right now where Guthmog is currently eating extremely fresh salmon sushi."
"Urkatas devrak meagar la Silmarilion."
"Yeah sure, I guess you could feed the crow the fish head while we talk about The Silmarillion."
"Tkratas shvrem meagar Ulmo."
"Guthmog's favorite character in Tolkien's work is Ulmo Lord of the Waters - he always has to mention that. But the book is so much more. Thought of as a rambling mess by some, or an unapproachable morass by others, this book is truly a masterpiece in our authoratative "actual fantasy character" opinions."
"Sharak devrak quohas. Otoran gead otoros."
"Yeah - it's scope is majestic, covering all time across the ages and the essential pathos of what it is to be a living being. Gods, elves, men, orcs, dragons - it has it all and the themes are deep. No matter how great or powerful beings may be, greed and lust for power and plain cruelty can ruin everything."
"Yes it emerses you in wonder - and that's the core of it. It emerses you deep orc. Give me five on that one orc. Oooh you got fish all over my hand!"
"Yeah they're throwing fish again. Leave it alone this time. OK."
"Yeah I think I could hit one of those fish with an arrow. Let me get up on this bronze pig right here and take a shot."
"Howsa tooq chat!"
"I'll take that bet! I'll shoot that fish out of the air and pin it back to the wall or I owe you some clam chowder later on in the market. Oh no, here come's a market guard."
"Hold it there sir - is that a real bow and arrow? You can't have that in the market."
"Just a minute officer- we've got a bet going on here."
"Well, OKthen, but the big guy dressed up like an orc - can't light that pipe. This is Seattle- we let weird stuff go down sometimes - but no smoking."
"Sure officer - the orc just likes holding it in his mouth. Watch this!"
"WHoaaa! you just shot that salmon right out of the air and pinned it to the wall! That's so cool - but totally illegal. This must be a movie shoot or something right?"
"Yeah, right officer. Guthmog let's keep moving. You owe me a clam chowder."
"By the way officer, have you read the Silmarillion?"
"Oh yeah, I read it, but it was just a little to deep for me."
"What did he say?"
"He said that's what a lot of people say. - Thanks officer - see you later."